18/12/81: I President F.W. De Clutch Call upon the WARTZ and FARTS commanders to refute, in the strongest terms, the reporting by the PANTZ/ ARSe alliance, or ZSA as they are calling themselves this week, of the action at Mulagao radio station. The South African government has received information through what we know to be very reliable channels that the current account of this battle is yet another example of the rubbish spouted by the so called Zetumsian "free" press. for example we know that the WARTZ/ FARTS joint strike force had indeed occupied if not controlled at least 2 of the strategic objectives in the area, and the fact that a vastly outnumbered and insufficiently supported ZSA force was going to try to retake these objectives is subject to the wildest of optimistic conjecture on the part of the writer of the existing report.
When will these Tinpot despots realise that modern African , or indeed foreign nations do not recognise a reporter with a gun at his head as a "free press"
Once again I urge the truly FREE nations of Africa to speak out.
President and CinC IMSADFUCKR F.W.DeClutch
29/6/81 (Re Ztum-Setum Online News): After reading the first two items, of so called news in this rabble rousing rag, I can only conclude that the editor of this so called purveyor of truth in Africa, would not know the truth,unless it was stuffed inside a big bag of cash with the letters T.R.U.T.H. printed on the outside of the bag.I urge all leaders of African nations, in and around Setumsia to give all news items and interviews to this forum before submission to Zetum-Setum. So that all may see the truth before it is given Zetum-Setum's paticular brand of editorial comment. I also call upon leaders of all nations to contact the editor of this paper and demand that they report a true reflection of the news in Setumsia because i am sure you will all agree with me that at the moment not only is Zetum-Setum nothing more than the propagandised mouthpiece for those genocidal maniacs in P.A.N.T.Z, it is PANTS.
President F.W.De Clutch S.A.D.F.UK.R In Chief
26/3/81: BE WARNED !! All petty dictators and so called leaders of religous or popular fronts in the Country now called Ztumsia or Setumsia, depending on which particular band of terrorist are in power this year.No longer will we allow your war mongering to destabalise our economy or threaten our northern borders with your insurrgent raids for equiptment and material for your squabbles.A special force has been trained and put into the field to protect our interests and borders in your country. this force consists of patriots from overseas , who are ,as we are, eager to see an end to the chaos that UDI has brought to this region of Africa. We will defend the borders of our enclave in southern Ztumsia/Setumsia and take swift and decisive action against all violators of our traditional homelands.It's about time you all realised that things would be a lot better if you let us 'help' to run the country, all you need do is ask. DON'T LEAVE IT TOO LATE.
President F.W.De Clutch